Wake me up

I have been trying to see life differently and excitingly. I see life as an adventure that is filled with interesting obstacles. Obstacles that will always find their way to trick us but at the same time, teach us. World has provide us with all kind of issue and matters for us to argue or question. There are so many opportunity lies before our eyes. We struggle day and night to grab it. Most of it lead to richness, luxury and money. After we achieve it, then what? True, another one will come and we shove everyone who gets in our way to snatch the new jewel. Then what are you going to do with that jewel? Wear it? Sell it? Getting money from selling it, you buy other things. Then? Don’t you see that life is a meaningless cycle? Don’t you see that our so-called ambition, goal, aim, target, vision and mission are all going to end up at one circular space where we don’t know what to do next because all paths has been explored. One thing though will never get you lost. It will never bore you. You will learn something new every day. It is your goal of being born to the world. It is your duty till death. It is your way of life. It is islam. Embrace it closely, hold it tightly, let go of it only if you are not using His gift to keep survive in this world and that includes oxygen. With islam, compasses  will find you and show the direction, life is never motiveless cause we are supposed to worship our Creator. We are supposed to be grateful and follow Him obediently. We are a creature that is created to follow Him. That is the meaning of life. To be the best servant in His eyes. Then what? After we done all that, then what? Nothing. Your task is complete. However, it will only be completed on your date of death. Remember that.

When people says IB program will going to affect you in and out. Eat all your flesh and leave bones to the dog. I denied them. I was being rebellious against all the ‘impossible’ thoughts and creating a web of mind interpretation against those perceptions. I do not trust in others’ experience. I always said to myself that they are not being optimistic. People with mind that think everything is hard and cannot be done irritated me so much. I could not stand that group and really wanted them to shut up. Now, being here and experiencing it myself. Feeling the busyness and hecticness, I tried not to say yes to those saying about IB. I tried to keep being positive and say that, I will get all work done one day. But, what do I do for that? Nothing. I just sit in front of my laptop and try to plan everything. At the end of the week, none of it goes as planned. What’s wrong with me? I am a girl that believe in the power of determination. I believe that how stupid someone is, if they want to be a doctor, they can. As long as they work hard. I am the one who always say to myself that if everyone can do it, I must can. I am the one who always admit that people choose their fate. They want it bad or good, it depends on them. Now, I am going to wake up and get back on the track. It is time. This coming sem 2 exam is one of the most important exam. Whether I get to go to Uk, Ireland, Australia, India, Indonesia, Russia or Malaysia, it’s this test. Get up now me!

Thank you

When I feel sad, when I’m alone, when no one is around, when I cannot tell anyone else, I talked to Him. I complained to Him. I cried in front of Him. I asked Him how bad am I. I could not bear to hear from others how a jerk am I. But I asked Him. I beg for His helps. I seek for Him desperately for help. Then, I decided to stop crying. I wanted to act tough and never tell others. I wanted to keep the relationship. It’s ok even if I’m hurt. As long as we remain friends. I thought I could pull off my plan. I thought I will handle it well for the rest of my life. I thought I will not cry again reminiscing the incident. I thought I have gathered my strength and will absolutely pass this obstacle. I really thought so. But, He knows me better. Maybe He knows that I will cry each time looking at them. Maybe He knows that I cannot concentrate on other things after this. And maybe He knows that I am not that strong. I need love around me. I need to feel needed. I need friends. He knows what I need and gave me that. He sends angels to comfort me. He gives me a chance to let all the feelings trapped out. He knows that is what I needed the most and it is true. I kept nothing inside anymore. All the sadness are gone. Knowing that they really are my friends and love me too. My gloominess are gone. I am happy again. Yes, He helped me. He do all this. He set this up. He has His own way to make me feel His nikmat. He really shows His attention towards me. And I? What did I do? What did I do when I am happy? Why don’t I turn to Him every single second and thanked Him. Why don’t I? Why must I look for Him only during my sorrow. Why not every second? He is always there. Waiting for me. And I?