I'm budding off

I thought I was part of them but today, it seems like I was totally wrong. They don’t even remember their moment with me. Not even one. They did not point it out at all. Yes, maybe there is really nothing about me. Who am I to them. Nothing. Even if I’m not around. It is so ok. They did it today because someone elese could not be around. Not because of me. I don’t aspect them to do it because of me too. No. it is just that. I really thought that I am part of them and they will be incomplete without me. But, it is opposite of what I thought. It will be better for them if I’m not there. I’m not supposed to come. That will be cherrier. They missed Ha, they missed qish. But, did not miss me at all. AT ALL. Sorry guys for squeezing into the group. Sorry for making you  guys make a space for me. i know that I am so not invited. What a silly me. rushing to meet you guys. Excited to hug and never let go of you guys. Wanted to be with you guys all the time. Sorry for being the burden. Sorry for talking crap that you guys don’t want to hear. I really am sorry. You guys soo don’t ned me.sorry for all the crap, rubbish came out from this voice you don’t even want to come across. Deep inside, I really was hoping that what I thought was wrong. But, my instinct usually right. That is the sad part. Maybe I am that bad. I don’t deserve any of lib=ving person. I am evil. I am heartless. I am selfish. I am annoying. Sorry.i’ll miss you guys n will remember each and everyone of you though no one will of me. ok, InsyaAllah now i'll smile again and never tell.

he has more reason to cry than me. isn't it?

Sorry

I have turn into dragon I’m afraid of. My biggest fear is turning into bebe(someone I don’t want to be, just call him that). He has been a bench mark for what I will not become despite the fact that I am tied to him for the rest of my life. Raised by him, I cannot deny the fact that the probability of turning into him is 0.8. By not being responsible to people surround him, he hurts a lot of people. He has done cruel things beyond my imagination and there is still more I yet to explore. For that, I promise to myself not to be like him. However, I always found myself talking words just like him. I don’t want to do it. That is why I try to control my mouth by being quiet. I don’t want to hurt others feeling and I believe now that it is very important. I really don’t want to be like him. I tried so hard though I always end up back to the beginning. I am so annoying and I am such a jerk. My Creator ask me to take care of my relationship with humans but I always ruin it. I always make them end up hating me. I am not a lovable person and I can feel like no one loves me. Even love from my god, I have spoil it. I always feel like I have nothing and no one appreciate my presence. Even if I’m not around, no one will miss me. Why can’t I be missable. I also believe that my family love me for the sake that I’m their family. If I’m not around, it will be better. i always hope my thought deceive me though. i really hope so because if it's not.... i cannot live alone in this world. no one actually can. i don't want to be ego and say i can...because i Cannot

I noticed, recently everyone seems to ignore me. They did not listen to any single words I say. They don’t response at all. Am I that annoying and full of myself? Yes, I’m such a jerk. I know. Guys, how can I say and expressed that I am sorry for being such a jerk, annoying little bitch and irresponsible. Sorry for what I am when I hangout with you guys. Sorry for troubling you guys for having to be my friends. Sorry for being quiet and just listen because I don’tknow what to say. It’s not that I don’t want to laugh together or say something but I feel like I don’t belong there with you guys. Everyone there seems to have something to be proud of. While I am such a jerk. I am so lame. I don’t watch star wars. I don’t even want to. I don’t read 9gag. I don’t have twitter. I don’t know all English songs. I like Malay songs. I don’t know how to play guitar. I don’t know how to sing. I don’t go to movies often. I don’t hangout at expensive places. I don’t buy original designer brand. I don’t speak English very well. I don’t have confident. I am not fair coloured skin. I have no iphone. But, the only thing I thought I have is you guys though I know that you never consider me as one. The only thing I know is loving you guys though you guys don’t. The only thing I know is supporting you guys though you guys never saw it. Sorry for disturbing you, friends by entering your frame of life. Well, it is all my fault. I never present myself fully to the CREATOR whom I suppose to love. He is the only one I should seek love from. I hope I don’t lose that too. If I do. Then I really have nothing.

Writing zxcvbnmlkjhgfdsaqwertyuiop

Merely by writing I’ll be able to develop my thoughts, broaden my views and magnify my feelings. Through words I can express my true self, heal my hearts and share my grievances. Thus, by writing the words I can avoid talking, yelling and arguing with people because I may get mad in the process and they might hate me. So, I better throw all of those needs visually instead of orally. Sometimes, I really need to write just to get everything out of my chest. I cannot confess to others as my thought and feeling might hurt them. Yes, I have quite a bad opinion on anything and I kept it to myself as it is obligatory to preserve others feeling. Words coming out from any mouth can be a lethal weapon. With astringent critics, friendships are ruined, marriages divorce, suicides an option, and war created. Words are very powerful.

- is it true and valid? so far, it is true for me as I believe in it. coherence of sentences are so important. they shaped the essays, journal or novel. readers need to see the relation between sentences to make sense of the writings.

Besides, I’m accepting a challenge from an author who says repeatedly that everyone can write just like “everyone can cook” (if you get what I mean). In pursuit of not getting the hypothesis busted, I will try my very best to write frequently. This should help me because according to him, the most important part in writing well are practices and the words must come from my heart, perception and experience. In short, express everything in words sincerely. Use non-clichés words (in progress). Less is definitely more but inadequate is definitely not enough. I think, this would be a starting point and I do believe that it is never too late for a room of improvement (trying so hard huh). He did mention that a good writer has a clear mind. They sort everything accordingly. I need that badly. My essays have been such a mess. Even I myself could not bear looking at my own paper. My thoughts are everywhere. The sentences are not coherent and they are scattering all over. Anyone who reads them thought it is a puzzle where they need to cut off the sentences and arrange it back.

1, 2, 3. TYPE !