Sorry

I have turn into dragon I’m afraid of. My biggest fear is turning into bebe(someone I don’t want to be, just call him that). He has been a bench mark for what I will not become despite the fact that I am tied to him for the rest of my life. Raised by him, I cannot deny the fact that the probability of turning into him is 0.8. By not being responsible to people surround him, he hurts a lot of people. He has done cruel things beyond my imagination and there is still more I yet to explore. For that, I promise to myself not to be like him. However, I always found myself talking words just like him. I don’t want to do it. That is why I try to control my mouth by being quiet. I don’t want to hurt others feeling and I believe now that it is very important. I really don’t want to be like him. I tried so hard though I always end up back to the beginning. I am so annoying and I am such a jerk. My Creator ask me to take care of my relationship with humans but I always ruin it. I always make them end up hating me. I am not a lovable person and I can feel like no one loves me. Even love from my god, I have spoil it. I always feel like I have nothing and no one appreciate my presence. Even if I’m not around, no one will miss me. Why can’t I be missable. I also believe that my family love me for the sake that I’m their family. If I’m not around, it will be better. i always hope my thought deceive me though. i really hope so because if it's not.... i cannot live alone in this world. no one actually can. i don't want to be ego and say i can...because i Cannot

I noticed, recently everyone seems to ignore me. They did not listen to any single words I say. They don’t response at all. Am I that annoying and full of myself? Yes, I’m such a jerk. I know. Guys, how can I say and expressed that I am sorry for being such a jerk, annoying little bitch and irresponsible. Sorry for what I am when I hangout with you guys. Sorry for troubling you guys for having to be my friends. Sorry for being quiet and just listen because I don’tknow what to say. It’s not that I don’t want to laugh together or say something but I feel like I don’t belong there with you guys. Everyone there seems to have something to be proud of. While I am such a jerk. I am so lame. I don’t watch star wars. I don’t even want to. I don’t read 9gag. I don’t have twitter. I don’t know all English songs. I like Malay songs. I don’t know how to play guitar. I don’t know how to sing. I don’t go to movies often. I don’t hangout at expensive places. I don’t buy original designer brand. I don’t speak English very well. I don’t have confident. I am not fair coloured skin. I have no iphone. But, the only thing I thought I have is you guys though I know that you never consider me as one. The only thing I know is loving you guys though you guys don’t. The only thing I know is supporting you guys though you guys never saw it. Sorry for disturbing you, friends by entering your frame of life. Well, it is all my fault. I never present myself fully to the CREATOR whom I suppose to love. He is the only one I should seek love from. I hope I don’t lose that too. If I do. Then I really have nothing.